whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
