We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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