just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You are the jesus of drinking
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
