I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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