Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
