So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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