I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
