Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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