just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My vagina is very pro this idea
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
