this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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