There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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