My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
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As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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