on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
