last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
