just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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