Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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