her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I currently don't understand fingers.
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