there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
