Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My first STD was from a foam party
Sponge bath it is.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
