I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
