What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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