She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
What did we do last night that was yellow?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
