with your own penis?
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
