That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
