too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
