i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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