You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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