my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
