This is not my ceiling
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
