I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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