cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
