my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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