I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
