pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
