I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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