I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
