You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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