i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
