Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
