i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
