bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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