I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
