a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
