babies were throwing up all over the place
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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