Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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