She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
