I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
