I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Randomize
