Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
