She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
