My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
