I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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