I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
