Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
