Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just gift wrapped bread.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
