i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
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I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
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the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize