their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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