i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
