We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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