I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
