I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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