I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
