My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
