I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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