You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need water and some morals
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
