Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
