some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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